Monday, January 10, 2011

You know us Utahians!!

Good ole Utah!!!! Where we still use handcarts to pick up flour at the shop and we all share one man in the hopes of being his bottom bitch! The idea of Utah precedes itself, you can ask anyone in the US, excluding Idaho cause it really should be Idatah, and they will either ask you questions about living in the compound or state horribly overheard obvious facts about it considering living there your completely oblivious to it! Ugh I get it, we're all polygamous mormons who are obedient slaves to our men pumping out babies like its as cool as scrap booking Lil Jimmy's first dump. If you are a blogtard and have actually been following my blogs you are probably aware of the fact I am not mormon and if I were I would get the tar and feather treatment off the temples property with them taking away my Jesus VIP house card to enter the grounds. To each their own and all that shit but it amazes me how much people are aware of the infamy of Utah and has never even experienced it, that's kick ass! High five Utah we rule!!!
The thing I recently heard blew my mind however, it was a story of my fathers over seas travels years ago which landed him in Mongolia. Mongols at that time were still farmers, herders and the richest man in the village had a tv and 5 channels!!! So for dinner he lands himself in the villages tavern with home cooked goulash and enough alcohol to sanitize Las Vegas. He sat down with a translator and about 6 Mongols who's chatter could be heard across the street. They order a full bottle of vodka and salute to ordering the bottle and everyone takes a shot together. They order food and they salute to that, they find out my fathers name and salute to that, and they salute to them saluting. What I'm getting at is they were drunk before the damn food even touched the table top and I'm pretty sure they saluted that as well! As they felt that liquid burning their stomachs they wanted to know where this hairy bastard with glasses was from, no translation needed for my fathers answer cause when he said Utah there was an explosion of hollers and more shots and loud commotion and laughing. Not wanting to be found in a irrigation ditch face down he joined them in celebrating absolutely nothing in his mind. They quieted down and asked the translator a very serious question which he turned to my father and stated "they want to know how many wives you have." WHAT!?!?!?!?!?! Sum bitch ditch diggers without cable and means of worldly knowledge daily actually knew what Utah was for, Mormons!!! Without understanding what they said all he heard was mormon over and over and he responded he had only one and they saluted that. They had a question for him then and asked why he only has one and he responded " if any of you are married then you would understand". At that point the conversation changed to marriage and women however my dad was still stunned that these back plow ditch digging men were fully aware of Utah, you could ask about Kentucky or Florida and I'm pretty sure they'd ask if those were in the United States however Utah around the world is known for Polygamy.....yeah we rock!
So with this please enjoy my fav disowned members......



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