This is my future, well maybe not mine so much as my brothers but I'm pretty sure with a twist of fate my demise will unfold in a similar fashion. Mo how horrible why would you say such a thing?!?!?! Let me explain, at the time of damnation we lived in the most upper class suburbs our little 3 light town cold offer. In houses just built next to the biggest trailer park and racehorse track this world has ever known. I grew up in what was considered "The Downs" and I will proudly say it still to this day knowing I am this rad bitch because of everything I experienced in the no rooftop life the area offered.Our back yard was a desert, literally with tumbleweeds and everything, and it was honestly the best life I could have ever hoped for me and my children cause honestly to hell with city life! My brother shows up in our backyard with his friend and says look what I found in the desert!!! A shiny, no dirt in the wheels, worn leather wheelchair. I describe it as such for clearly it was NOT in the desert like all the fat and happy"starving" animals we brought home convincing our father they would have died if we didn't keep them. At the time none of the neighborhood kids cared, it's a flippen wheelchair and that means a good time when you're young! So we did what was expected of children between 8-13, we made it into a ride in our back yard using our fathers seven post he used hanging deer carcass up after a successful hunt! If I remember correctly we used bungee hooks and lariat rope and somehow someway we tethered it up about 4 feet off the ground and took the nail pin out of the upper post that rotated into the cemented post in the ground. Imagine if you will the swings at an amusement park, lifts you off the ground and starts to spin with fun music, screaming kids, and the geniuses who decided flip flops were perfect for an amusement park! We would climb into our stolen wheelchair of spinning death and we tied a rope at the end of the 7, perfect letter for imagery here, and run as hard and fast as we could to get that wheelchair flying!!! Now as little kids of course we couldn't get quite the velocity we were imagining with a sideways wheelchair and someone crying in the seat, so that's why we decided to ask one of the teenagers to help. Of course forward thinking wasn't quite developed in our skulls yet and once the big boy got an 8 year old spinning we did not anticipate the rose bushes were a tad too close for such shenanigans. My brother hit the rose bush and even more funny was spinning so hard and fast the wheelchair tore out some of the bush rooted in the ground. Yeah so what if it was hooked into his flesh, that's funny shit!!! So at the begging of all us kids we tried so hard to bandage and care for him the best we could, however much to our dismay when our father came home and saw a wheelchair hanging from his deer post and his son bleeding and bawling surrounded by kids scattering with adult presence dropping band aids and rubbing alcohol heading for those beautiful desert hills, the little bastards left me to take the heat until my brother could gather the breath to admit he "found" it in the desert.
So like all epic ends to amazing moments in history, I remember him cutting it down, apparently brownies and scouts paid off for us as far as knots, and the end to our stolen spinning wheelchair. However he DID allow us to keep it!!!
Now with that story of radness you now realize why I feel there is an ending out there just waiting for my brother and I, something so ironic, so twisted, and so great for the Darwin Awards that this story just had to be shared. I feel awful thinking of some grandma or grandpa possibly slowly walking or even worse dragging themselves in those puppy tears asking to the heavens "why would someone do such a thing?". Damn it if I feel sadness yet that is definitely shadowed by how great and awesome that memory was of "THE DOWNS!"
So please enjoy this it's in honor of how awesome us hillbillies truly are!
