It seems recently that the type of child I was keeps coming up, how I was in school, how I was socially. Anything awkward or funny, which was the majority of it, seems to be those verbal gems that for humiliating purposes can please the masses. It's true, I am odd. I was raised like a boy by my amazing single dad who raised my brother and I alone, which may explain the awesome look above. Literally that bastard put a bowl on my head and cut from the back of the ear across the forehead, to the back of the other ear. Not to make me more girly with bangs but for function. It's hard to take a girl hiking and camping with her damn hair getting tangled and falling in her face.I was a reject. That person who tried to sit by the teacher so she wouldn't be teased or I would try to make people laugh so they wouldn't beat me up. Kids are assholes, it's true, although most have grown out of that there are those few I would not mind knocking their teeth down their throat to this day, I won't lie! In grade school the cool thing was to have a box, like caboodles type shit or something, and put all sorts of flavors of chap sticks in it and you were really cool if you had the vibrator sized ones..... yeah I question why some of them bought those since you cannot convince me you need a centuries worth of cherry cola Lip Smackers. I thought I could fit in, I convince my dad who works his ass off to care for us to purchase me a 3 pack, I started my collection of popular tokens to become one of them!! Nay, when I got to school and busted out my bubble gum and 7 up flavored chap sticks they were gone!!! Not the tube the damn stick of chap shit itself was gone!!! I dug out my treasure which no one else had yet, the Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers and as I remove the lid there was teeth marks in the top of the fucking stick! My cursed brother had eaten my chap stick, that rat bastard! I was not allowed to jump rope without those tokens of entry so I found a place to hide in shame........the bushes on the side of the building.
At our grade school there was a little hill with bushes on the side of the building. I called it my hut and I hung out in the bushes of lonely loserdome ever recess and most lunches if no one could see me sneak in. It was tricky, the one time I was spied the kids decided to try and hit me with pebbles so in my awesome innovation instead of crying and hiding I turned it into a game of dodge the flying rocks that are being hurled at the dork in the bushes at mid level force!!! GOOD TIMES!!!! I also found a friend, not a bipedal kind but a feline who I am positive had mange and was quite possibly looking for a quiet place to kill over and here's this questionable sexed person petting it and giving it the attention it dearly wanted to avoid. There was also an important technique of getting out of said bushes and into the classroom without being noticed, the girls were always in first so I had to time my entry to the cruel world again between them and the boys who literally had spit on me numerous times trying to play on the playground, ah but that's another blog to explain. If I jumped out too late I was spotted and I was teased about being a jungle freak, if I were too early heaven forbid the cool girls saw this mullet topped girl crawling out of bushes and dirt, I was so good I was rarely spotted, that's right I fucking ruled at being a loser!!! The nostalgic excrement I have to confront when people say "oh I bet you were one of the popular girls" I laugh and say if you consider popular sitting in dirt in bushes alone with a cat trying to die by itself then, yes, I was popular.
The patheticness of my childhood is what I owe to who I am today however. I love that I was a reject and I absolutely love that I was teased and mocked for the fact I now have a sense of humor that is quicker witted than the popular kids best days AND I don't let the world get to me, ever. I'm not telling you these stories for pity, merely to make you understand my ass was garbage to most of societies young eyes at that point till I grew jugs.....yep another blog. I am so thankful my father wasn't the type to step in, let me fight my own damn battles for I am a pretty kick ass brood that can only hope my children have that little bit of torment to make them appreciate who they are and not care what others think. Damn I'm mean, well, I'm old school and that's just how I am.
Tomorrow I will continue my homage to kiddie radness so the spectrum continue to grows on the awareness of why my crazy ass is the way it is with no apologies to anyone, to be continued............
I give you..... more dopes with ropes!
