Here is my dilemma this year, I want to not be pissed off by the end of December and not fit into the genre of assholes who decorate too early but people who bitch about seeing things that make children smile before Thanksgiving. I need rules and guidelines to follow and have decided to create my own to Christmas decoration and lighting etiquette for dumbees (that is not TM)I have found that the more rushed and later I decorate the more pissed I am that I have to spend a whole weekend repacking all the shit I had up for 3 weeks. Mathematically I figured for everyday I force feed my neighbors my holiday nog is equivalent to every ten minutes I spend decorating. If it takes me two hours to hang up my Christmas lights they must tolerate my holiday hemorrhage of lights for 12 days. It takes me usually four damn hours to create the disaster I thought would be amazing and looks like Picasso had a stroke pallet on my house and in turn that is 24 days of looking at this mess, plus 4 days for pain and suffering on my end. So, I have 28 days to insult my fellow land owners and I must use this time wisely, but when does it begin, when should it????
Before Thanksgiving- The asshole everyone hates yet enjoys the ambiance no matter how bitter they are. They feed off this persons happiness for lighted spectacles and yet uses it for insults that makes them feel better until their next shot of cheap liquor. Over achieving menaces.
Black Friday- This is the preferred day, not because it's the day after so its "ok" at this point, but because you have relatives who are most likely still there and let's face it, the filthy ingrates need to earn that meal you spent all day making so they can sit and complain how fat they are for a month until they make that resolution they rationalize away by March next year.
December 1st- Now you're riding the line, at this point there is a sense of obligation to hang up holiday monstrosities and with this feeling it can tag on an extra hour due to the pressure of "having" to do it. No one wants to be told they have to do anything so that is why you see people December 2-5 hanging lights up, to defy the unspoken word of holiday decorating. These are the "troublemakers" of holiday cheer.
December 6-18- The procrastinators. It's not cause they don't want to do it, they just didn't feel the need to spend time hanging shit up yet was bored writing a blog no one will likely read and decide they need to shower finally and maybe throw a light net over the bush in their yard and call it good.
The week before Christmas- your kids finally guilted you into that shit didn't they, or maybe the disappointment in your fathers face when he asks if you did anything fun with the lights and you lie and say you did and forgot he will be there in 2 days. You never wanted to hang up the tourette inducing fire hazard, all you can think of is taking it down, but you do it anyways feeling shame replace that hollow spot in your soul you call pride.
I will write this week about when to take them down and the guidelines for that. Until then, enjoy your day and for the love of the baby lamb outside the manger cause he was booted for a baby, keep on keepin on!
