Dodging Darwin

All too often I catch myself wasting far too much time in stores and at home reading just how interesting warning labels are. I honestly have bought a product only for the fact the warning label was so spectacular I just had to take it home with me!!! From electrical products, to food, the stupid have tested and done it all to the point they must provide a warning as to not get sued by these dumb bastards, a moment of silence for those who have been taken from the gene pool so I could get a smile walking in those welcoming fluorescent aisles.








This fascination started back when I was a wildland firefighter sitting up on Cedar Mountain in a tent attending the mandatory Haz-Mat training. Going over the book work it doesnt come across as odd, more like ok it's general knowledge yet part of the course, alrighty then. Once our crew chief popped in that wondrous 1973 documentary about safety in the field I knew then, I must know more about these habits that few honestly pay attention too. Besides the 2 foot hairstyles and bell bottoms that you could curl right up next to those hairy legs under the sheer fact that they warned us not to taste a bright green substance oozing from a barrel identified as toxic waste. My new love was born, colors were brighter, birds sang beautiful music, and our stench of being in the field grew suddenly sweet! At that moment we all looked around the room and thought out loud, "Holy shit, someone actually did this so the HAD to warn us about it!" Puts it all into a different perspective, to the point that I oh so love to read the warning labels and imagine the whole scenario of what this person did to earn a so called picture on the milk box for their mental superiority.





I had two recent experiences that brought on this sudden thought. One was I was opening a bottle of wine and I took a second glance at the cork, to my own fascination with my sheer genius I look exactly like the picture!!!




Sweet Baby Jesus I was staring Darwin in the face, looking into a mirror of shame and stupidity. I WAS that warning label!!!
As lay drunken, well slightly buzzed, in bed that night I thought to myself that I'm not an entirely dumb person, I know I won't use the blow dryer while bathing, or decide just one swig of Dran-O won't hurt. Why I may have been a bit harsh with my judgement of the milkbox warning pics imaginary scenario people. Quite possibly it was more an operative error due to mis judgement of use or miscallibration. I pulled the cork toward myself cause it's easier, and frankly I'm terrified of it flying freely and breaking something.

So as I walk through stores and read the warning labels I ponder, are these just basic warnings for simple user error or are we making the mistake of taking drastic measures to keeping individuals selected by nature for natural extinction in the gene pool? This question is baffling and stimulating for myself and I'm sure to the unlucky readers of this will now take those extra few minutes to think of just how fantastically awesome these warnings truly are!!!



This is a slightly shorter blog however this is what ran through my mind most of the day. If you have any fun warning labels or links you'd like to share please do!!! I'll leave you with this video which is important to divers safety: Please check the depth of water before you dive, and please please double check if the damn thing is frozen below that two inches of slush!