Douche Hunting 101

I can't describe how often I run into these poor bastards and cant help but think to myself, wow they don't even realize how spectacular they are?!?!?! Chuck here expresses what we would all like to do, physical threat usually is effective since they don't understand verbal communication through the loads of toilet cologne and hair product, it's dizzying being in their presence imagine basking in it for hours upon end!!!

This is a tribute, an honoring of all the effort they put into making us all feel better about ourselves one douche at a time. Thank you for your hours of primping, the money you spend on name brands, and the time you spend staring at yourself in the gym mirrors saying "I'm making sure my form is right."

Some of my readers may say Mo, how does one spot a one and know for sure this is in fact a douche and how do you trap or kill one? Well my friends there are simple tracks that lead to the mystifying beasts and once you see one, well, you will know based on these few simple guidelines I will set for proper douche hunting.

Above is a young lad who has a mild case of douche. You can still distinguish the small items that give him away as labeled in the picture. Note that some of these things are in fact ok to wear in public however presentation is what separates the douches from us normally folk. This is an easy catch and easy kill for those who are just starting with the douche hunt. These douches prefer semi large crowds and go for the semi douchey mates. To engage simply approach and ask them where they bought that awesome shirt cause you want one for your daughter, and walk away. These have partial brain function and will process information at a much higher rate then the Summers Eve douche.

Now note douches are not limited to males, females also have douchetacular breeds like you see on the right!

Beautiful creatures yet every effort to promote this reverses thus. These are delicate yet a bit tougher douche than the males simply because they usually travel in packs and blow off honest feedback with the remark, "haters." They are territorial and are also a bit more aggressive than their male counter douche. There really isn't much need to try to go for the kill, they are usually doing it themselves with fad diets, eating disorders, and a low sense of self worth.

Notice the bawdy "bling bling" its a dead ringer for I want your attention and for you to like me!!!

We will now enter into the most douchetacular of them all, the Summers Eve douches! They always dress, look, and smell as if it's a hot summers night even if it's snowing outside. They usually have lots of money or try really hard to make that appearance. Most of the time it is not even their own but family money, which makes them even more douchetacular. As you can tell I am super excited for I know EVERYONE reading this has in mind a particular douche that fits this!!! The Summers Eve douchettes pretty much have fake everything and absolutely love to show it off, honestly if I spent that much money on myself I'd walk around nude too, and more often than not have a sex video they claim they had no idea how it got out! Their appearance is much more manicured than the regular douches due to the money, but don't be mistaken they are a glorious breed and almost nothing can take them down! Even the Summers Eve male version, however roles reverse and they are more aggressive than the female counterdouche. They are far more entitled, belligerent, and vile and I get goosebumps just thinking of how rad they truly are!!! Similar to the female, they are very manicured and buy more expensive things than they have friends, but with that kind of cash, friends don't matter!!!!

There are all sorts of douches of all ages and genres, these are just my fav!!! Feel free to let me know who your favorite douchetacular person, post your comment as a tribute, just for them!!!

If you are offended in any way, then it's self explanatory!

Finally here is a song a kick ass friend of mine dedicated to this fine art!!!