RIP Uncharacters

Johnny Lawrence, oh yes the quintessential 80's bully!! Definantly one of my fav bully characters from the treasure trove of 80's flicks we all know and love. If someone can tell my who is above the age of 30 that they have no clue who this is I will back hand slap you for good measure cause my friends, this blog is dedicated to those horrible un dynamic bastards from those popular movie competing with butt rockers of it's time!

I love bullies from this genre, absolutely adore their character production and how little effort they put into developing a true asshole in order to focus on the love of the good guy and to cast the hottest most anorexic chick they could find to fall for him at the end.

One masterpiece that used this to the extreme would be the Revenge of the Nerds movies, they are fantastic!!! Notice the feathered blond bouffant, the tan skin, the sexy smile and jockish demeanor, this here is the perfect 80's bully! Stan Gable here is glorious in his performance and I give him a standing ovation for his dead on douche bag performance, well done!!!

Why on earth would I focus on these pieces of garbage that everyone just despises throughout the entire movie, no it is not because I identify with them, and no it is not because I think bullying is ok. In fact I go out of my way to bully a bully cause no asshole likes to think he's rejected by a hot chick, they do the rejection gosh darnit!!! It is because they are so incredibly simple that I can't help but love their bubble gum character thrown together last minute to make people love that geeky, awkward, yet lovable main guy. There is absolutely no substance to these guys back then whats so ever, besides if the writers were sober enough to think hard about it maybe their dad bullied them at home, but seriously that's as deep as it gets for these guys!

Not one of us can forget Biff from Back to the Future. The spoiled jerk we loved to hate in all the sequels, he was absolutely wonderment repeated! The leader of a pack of retards he really pulled out the stops to make sure we understood he was a bully and he meant it! He was an exquisite example set aside from the 80's jock bully, he was a hateful neanderthal destined to change oil the rest of his life and being child support broke in the process. Every girl that watched this tall brute push little Micheal around couldn't help but feel a little arousal from his tall toned frame, but his character forbids us to look any deeper than what came from his mouth and that was absolutely brilliant!!!

Now days it seems they like to add more depth to these troglodytes, giving the audience feel some sort of pity and look beyond their asshole qualities but I say nay! I say I am tired of looking beyond that sewer in their face and poor guy had a past, yeah I DONT CARE!!! I want the bully without substance, the guy who was out to push the smaller around simply cause they can and in the end it turns out THEY are the losers. The most recent bad guy, besides my fav Fat Bastard, that showed these despicable qualities has got to be White Goodman from Dodge ball. They carefully constructed the douche bag to symbolize all that I love of the 80's bully I so miss!!! And with that, I leave you with this performance of our new found glory.